tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post5549352843613116317..comments2023-05-17T01:18:54.538-07:00Comments on Our Own: "Sweet Little Black Boy," part 2Lorihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553145979283388517noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-35413121849509947162010-10-20T17:16:52.621-07:002010-10-20T17:16:52.621-07:00YIKES!! Have never heard this? Of course our fam...YIKES!! Have never heard this? Of course our family alone has several children all have dark skin- and we have light skin. <br /><br />It also helps that we live in an area where our children blend in! Praise God for this. <br /><br />OUCH!"Are These Kids All Yours?"https://www.blogger.com/profile/17946903135252874458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-59604678396815691192010-10-20T10:25:53.789-07:002010-10-20T10:25:53.789-07:00This post and conversation is so helpful, and I...This post and conversation is so helpful, and I'd really like to know what your coworker or others would say, like the actual dialogue. I know that sounds silly...but I don't know how I would start my response , and "are you frigging kidding me" doesn't seem like a good start.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-18141688490569001292010-10-19T18:12:31.844-07:002010-10-19T18:12:31.844-07:00Hmm, I read this last night and wanted to let my b...Hmm, I read this last night and wanted to let my brain settle around it. I have to say, I wasn't bothered by the comment about his good behavior. Maybe it's because I could care less about the other kids in the class, but would burst with pride knowing what a good little boy he is (as you already well know). <br /><br />The first comment, on the other hand, would make my chin fall to the floor. I originally thought you should talk to the teachers, but now think this forum has probably helped you and the rest of us far more than a conversation with a teacher. (That being said, I think something like the "Blissfully Unaware" situation definitely needed to be addressed - holy cow!) <br /><br />We struggle with the black child in a white world scenario daily. We recently moved our 3 older kids to a magnet school in a realistically racially and economically diverse town near ours (our town couldn't be more "white"). My best friend basically told me that we HAD to stay in town b/c Sophie needs to pave the way for other black children in the schools. #1 - I refuse to force her into being a trailblazer until it's a cause that she is championing and for which I am simply her cheerleader. #2 - there is no way that one "sweet little black" girl (whose entire family is white) is going to make other black families flock to our town to help her be that trailblazer. We couldn't be happier with our choice of this school, but I already dread the day when 8th grade ends and she has to come back to this town for high school (and she's only 3!!). We didn't have this magnet option when she first came home, so I continue to hope that something will just materialize that is a perfect solution for our family. I'm a half-full kind of girl and so far, that mentality has proven to work for our family. Unfortunately, school is only one tiny aspect of her life as an African-American child in our family. I hope I'm never under-sensitive or even over-sensitive in a way that negatively affects her. There will be so many situations in our children's lives to which we can directly relate. I can only hope that people like you keep blogging to help me through those ones for which I have no intimate experience and that will be much harder to tackle!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-36216490651018096542010-10-19T13:03:28.890-07:002010-10-19T13:03:28.890-07:00This reminds me of our Buckwheat incident; a well-...This reminds me of our Buckwheat incident; a well-meaning stranger. I think we all have to speak up, I'm just not sure how to do it. Maybe you should write the book Lori? I have always seen you treat people beautifully. You could guide us on a gentler, kinder way to inform someone that they are making a racist remark. The title should be, "WWLRD?" What Would Lori Rooney Do?Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13790711152511868938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-81573539490084485932010-10-19T12:35:36.195-07:002010-10-19T12:35:36.195-07:00I've been out for a while so missed commenting...I've been out for a while so missed commenting on the original incident. It's so hard to know how to react - and where hte responsibilities lie between educating, walking away, and just slapping. Sounds like you've got some great teachers, though - totally agree with stephanie's point that someone who's already made it to eye rolling is definitely the one you want in your corner!Claudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09352341442556433375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-53748321895548401022010-10-19T12:07:29.836-07:002010-10-19T12:07:29.836-07:00Thank you for posting about this. I never know how...Thank you for posting about this. I never know how to respond when someone says something that they think is well-meant but that comes out more as condescending and biased. Did your co-working have any ideas about to say in that situation?Carriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02249380596928469708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-24451238367641962942010-10-19T10:46:53.443-07:002010-10-19T10:46:53.443-07:00Thank you, Lori. Your words ring so true with us t...Thank you, Lori. Your words ring so true with us too. I struggle and stay up some nights wondering about the future of my children. All moms do, I think. But, when you are raising a child that you know will be the target of discrimination...it keeps you up a whole lot more. I am going to share your writings if that is ok.Amy B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/14498736201253966177noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-41137757339855662842010-10-19T09:07:04.214-07:002010-10-19T09:07:04.214-07:00Perfect! Whenever there's a problem like this,...Perfect! Whenever there's a problem like this, the best person in the world to talk to is someone who is so familiar with the problem that she's gotten all the way to "sigh" and "roll her eyes in exasperation." I'm serious. When a person's all the way to the eye roll, then that person has gone through the shock, and the bewilderment, and the tears, and the anger, and is now in reality and dealing with it.<br /><br />Yay! That's a woman you want in your corner for sure.<br /><br />I still say there's no better ambassador for "Your ideas about race and culture are totally screwy but we love you anyway" than Abe - even at three! lol! But you'd better keep up. You need to know what's going on so you can admire his bravery and learn from the very buoyancy you're giving him for the next few decades. (I could hug your coworker! And I'm of the frosty Norse variety - we don't DO hugs.) ;-)Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04163649031423865626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-6376683151135260302010-10-19T07:21:55.308-07:002010-10-19T07:21:55.308-07:00I am so glad you talked to your friend at work. I ...I am so glad you talked to your friend at work. I agree and it's something we've had to deal w/ for years in very subtle ways. And folks have thought we were being oversensitive etc...but the facts are true. We DO need to train our children to the realities in the world and that they might be pulled over for nothing and so on and HOW to react. We can't close our eyes and wish for utopia. It doesn't exist. So we are honest and as fair as we can be, we give the benefit of the doubt when we can (especially in explaining to the kids in private) but we also don't just think it's nothing. It's a tricky surfing that won't end anytime soon. You will do it very well because you care.....<br />Well done.coffeemomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12332220347018136072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-86665559456716975322010-10-19T02:55:52.310-07:002010-10-19T02:55:52.310-07:00You are right, my experience being referred to as ...You are right, my experience being referred to as "that white lady" is sor dure not the same. EVen though the woman you met may not have meant anything by it, comments like thta perpetuate problems. I live near NYC and there has been a lot of talk lately about the "stop and frisk" policy enacted after 9/11. Minority males are stopped far more than whites and clearly racial profiling is alive and well.Emmahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02859791572622007142noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-47260457364999279232010-10-18T19:53:04.186-07:002010-10-18T19:53:04.186-07:00"it's our job to educate those who use di..."it's our job to educate those who use disrespectful, hurtful or patronizing language. We should assume the best about people who say such things, while letting them know how their choice of words makes the person-of-color feel."<br /><br />That's my take away from this blog post. I thank you for sharing this painful and confusing episode and the follow up as well. I have really learned alot from this.Casa Bicicletahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06853253312120595615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-50541652811141241132010-10-18T17:29:04.429-07:002010-10-18T17:29:04.429-07:00Hashing it out here and sharing it has been so hel...Hashing it out here and sharing it has been so helpful to me, Lori. I found myself waffling about the woman's meaning, but now that you have made it clear what the issue is, I am also very clear about it. I guess because Abe is three, he's just a baby, I never imagined that it was there, that the 'black boy' thing was really there. I surprise myself sometimes with my wishing it was a different world.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18024229630052292112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-39608778873155100842010-10-18T16:23:12.114-07:002010-10-18T16:23:12.114-07:00Thank you for sharing this. The few times I'v...Thank you for sharing this. The few times I've had people make surprising remarks about Eli, I've frozen. I wish I handled it better. I wish I could educate people more on appropriate things to say. Ben, however, handles things so well. He's confronted people with grace and always protects our boy. I so hope I can prepare myself more so that Eli will always know how much we want to fiercely defend him. <br /><br />You are a great mom to Abe, and will also be to your little girl.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17479635873494501024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2877454090421566197.post-58056936212071142502010-10-18T16:00:24.546-07:002010-10-18T16:00:24.546-07:00Lori,
Just wanted to share that this post has man...Lori,<br /><br />Just wanted to share that this post has many similar elements to something we just recently experienced: <br /> <br />http://threecontinentfamily.blogspot.com/2010/10/careful-when-stepping-outside.html<br /><br />Yes, I didn't expect it at three either. :(<br /><br />EvelynEvelynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01800995892415893734noreply@blogger.com