When does one stop an ongoing project that started five years ago? What is the ultimate goal of this little blog? At one point, it was to be a source of information and encouragement for others in the process of adoption. I hope it did that to some degree. Now that we have no more plans to add to this family, writing here feels more self-indulgent and a potential invasion of my kids' privacy than it already did.
My opinions have changed so much since starting this five years ago. Even the name of this blog is not something I would choose if I were starting out right now. I'm much less touchy about semantics than I was in the beginning. I somehow feel like there are now bigger fish to fry.
This blog has been a wonderful creative outlet for me. I have used it as a dumping ground for the things I want to catalog in life, a good example of which were the daily New York City moments from the winter of 2009. I was conflicted as I wrote down those moments in this forum. Was this the right place for it? I mean, this was an adoption-blog, not a travel-blog. This is an example of feeling that I was becoming self-indulgent.
So what to do? Should I write a final chapter to this story here about the formation of this family, only to reopen if some dramatic change happens (and maybe not even then)?
If I started a new blog, what would be the purpose of it? Would it be completely anonymous? Is that even possible? There is a plethora of creative and informative "mommy blogs" out there, so I feel no need to add my voice to that lovely chorus.
I spent some time last night reading the blog of one of my husband's acting students. Her words and her spirit inspired me and even made me a little jealous. She's a beautiful person, and if it's possible to be jealous of a cancer patient, I am. It's called Tropic of Cancer, and you should spend some time there.
It just took me fifteen minutes to write that last paragraph because the kids are now up, and we're having a conversation about how it's not fair that daddy is always the one to take the puppy out to poop every day. So we're knee-deep here in the minutia of how to get a farting dog to relieve his bowels in the morning.