Saturday, July 7, 2012

End of the road?

When does one stop an ongoing project that started five years ago?  What is the ultimate goal of this little blog?  At one point, it was to be a source of information and encouragement for others in the process of adoption.  I hope it did that to some degree.  Now that we have no more plans to add to this family, writing here feels more self-indulgent and a potential invasion of my kids' privacy than it already did.  

My opinions have changed so much since starting this five years ago.  Even the name of this blog is not something I would choose if I were starting out right now.  I'm much less touchy about semantics than I was in the beginning.  I somehow feel like there are now bigger fish to fry.  

This blog has been a wonderful creative outlet for me.  I have used it as a dumping ground for the things I want to catalog in life, a good example of which were the daily New York City moments from the winter of 2009.  I was conflicted as I wrote down those moments in this forum.  Was this the right place for it?  I mean, this was an adoption-blog, not a travel-blog.  This is an example of feeling that I was becoming self-indulgent.

So what to do?  Should I write a final chapter to this story here about the formation of this family, only to reopen if some dramatic change happens (and maybe not even then)?  

If I started a new blog, what would be the purpose of it?  Would it be completely anonymous?  Is that even possible?  There is a plethora of creative and informative "mommy blogs" out there, so I feel no need to add my voice to that lovely chorus. 

I spent some time last night reading the blog of one of my husband's acting students.  Her words and her spirit inspired me and even made me a little jealous. She's a beautiful person, and if it's possible to be jealous of a cancer patient, I am.  It's called Tropic of Cancer, and you should spend some time there.

It just took me fifteen minutes to write that last paragraph because the kids are now up, and we're having a conversation about how it's not fair that daddy is always the one to take the puppy out to poop every day.  So we're knee-deep here in the minutia of how to get a farting dog to relieve his bowels in the morning.

Sigh.  Where to go from here?  I mean, besides taking the dog out for healthy shit.

12 comments:

Nora said...

So from a purely selfish perspective? Please please don't end this blog. I *love* the posts about your work with the African Elders--I can't think of another "space" on-line where I get the opportunity to hear their voices, thoughts, feelings...Also: I love to hear about your kids and your life as a family. I also would like to hear more about how your thoughts/feelings have changed snce you started the blog. What don't you like about the blog title? (I can guess but I'd rather hear your process). I hope you find a way to keep it going--I really, really appreciate your voice.

HeidiD in CT said...

I just looked back at my blog and realized that it's been exactly 3 years since I posted. I still look at those that post, but I know exactly what you mean. I have decided to turn my blog into a book and move on (blurb.com). I was just rereading some of the comments, and those may be even more fun to read than my own thoughts! I will certainly miss your blog if you go, but I know that our paths will cross again. I sort of feel like living life these days more than writing about it. I may regret it later, but for now, so it is.... sending all the love in the world to those two precious kiddos and your beautiful family!

Julie said...

Please. Keep. Blogging.

The End.

S said...

As a mother who just brought home her older Ethiopian daughter, I have loved your blog. Thank you for all you've written regardless of where you go with it.....hopefully not the end (hint-hint).

rosedel said...

I don't know if I have commented before but I have been reading for quite a while. I like "adoption" blogs because I adopted many years ago from Romania. The best part of adoption comes after everyone is home. You are much younger than I and you have a different lifestyle than I and yet we have things in common. Your blog reminds me to keep an open heart and mind. So I hope you continue to blog. I would miss your thoughts and words.

kn said...

Oh please no! I could not bear it if you stopped writing at this moment in my life. You have a unique way of seeing the world. I love reading your blog. I love your work and learning a little bit each time you write.

So, for me, please don't stop.

That said. You must do what is right for you.

natalie said...

my two cents: you write beautiful things. I would read your posts about your dog pooping. so, if this just becomes a blog about life and non-personal specific things, I'll still be reading! you encourage me to see things in new, beautiful ways and to retell what I see to others.

Coffee mom said...

I so get this. Have been dithering along those same lines myself. My blog is already a little schizo in the sense of starting as an adoption blog then sliding more and more to the Catholic stuff. Tho it's all of a piece even at that....

Can't decide wether to stop intentionally. Neglect indefinitely or post as the words need spilling and processing (which circles back to the self indulgent....).

So all that is to say I understand where you're at w this BUT I think your voice and your family have a peaceful happy niche in these virtual neighborhoods we have all built. Yours is the welcoming house on the corner where we can stop by for a drink and a word (be it tea or something strionger) and a smile. You bring your inherent ease and graciousness and warmth to the cool tech glass of the net.
My vote is... Please dont move away.

Dani Schmidt said...

I don't bog, but I love reading blogs. I'm a bit obsessed actually. Yours is the one I check first. Please don't go.

Stephanie said...

I know you don't know me but I love your blog. I love reading about your adoption family journey. The details are so real and I can only imagine many of the same challenges if I ever bring a school age girl or boy home. Please don't go (and you're not self indulgent)!

Lynette said...

Please stay.

Ellen said...

YOu have made me laugh and cry and see the human side of life so much - you are so real...please don't stop...please?