Some blogs out there are very uplifting. They started out being adoption-blogs, and they've remained adoption blogs. Mine isn't this way, which I started feeling self-conscious about lately. I feel the need to apologize for doing so much babbling about things like the weather, cat videos and The Talking Heads.
I also feel the need to thank all the good people out there who faithfully check this blog during this weird waiting time that we're in. I know you're checking for that anxiously-awaited referral post, and I thank you for not asking us about it in person (like you won't be able to hear our shouts from the rooftops when it happens).
I wish this blog were more "inspirational." You know the ones: those awesome ones with Bible verses and no stupid cat videos. I always hope that people investigating adoption on Gladney's website don't find our blog first among the list of families since I can easily see them with furrowed eyebrows saying, "What the crap? What's all this nonsense about butterbeans and did you see that cracked-out spider video? This agency must be full of nut-cases."
I was inspired this evening by a blogger from Memphis who is now home with their over-the-top gorgeous daughter. Despite the Starbucks theme, I love what she wrote in this post. It really did feel like my "devotional" for today, such a great reminder of God's love for us.
So, no referral news. Nothing adoption related. We are narrowing down the list of names, which is good. I also started painting the dining room and living room today, a project I've been wanting to do for a while now. And I found this for the baby room:
I know it's not really what one might typically put in a baby's room, but I loved the bright, gender-neutral colors. More importantly, what it says has been a theme for Ted and me for the last year: "It'll cost nothing to dream and everything not to." We've realized how easy it is to make many small compromises in life that end up costing more than we may ever realize. Dreaming is a scary proposition because because of a fear of disappointment that can be so overwhelming. But what's the alternative?
"But let us stop all our activity for a moment and consider--comparing the demands of our reason and of our heart with the actual condition of our lives--in order to see how our whole life and our every action are in incessant and outrageous contradiction to the yearnings of our soul."--Leo Tolstoy
Shutting down those yearnings can be a slow process of deciding each moment to stop dreaming, to stop looking for the ideal, to be okay with things as they are despite the longing for more. We want our child(ren) to be dreamers. We want them to know that their presence in our lives is the fulfillment of a dream for us.
I'm not saying anything new here. I guess I'm just trying to open up a can on inspiration on all ya'lls' asses.
Which reminds me: I'll leave you with this clip of a song written and sung here by Tommy Walker, the worship leader at our church in Los Angeles. I'm not sure where this was recorded, but it wasn't at our church (Christian Assembly in Eagle Rock) though a lot of the musicians are from CA. It is impossible for me to sing this song without tears welling up. And one thing I love most about Ted is that whenever this song is sung at CA, I know I can look over at him and see him rocking out, tears streaming down his face too. We can't help it. We love Jesus, people.
PS: Dear tech support, anyone know why the heck the visitor map hasn't been working for the last week?