Thursday, January 3, 2008

Pins and Needles

If I knew for a fact that it would not embarrass this sweet darling in the photo here with Baby Abe, I'd ask for a caption contest for this photo. Her expression is...I don't know what. I just know that I want this girl to move to Oregon and be our regular baby-sitter. Another sweet family picking up their daughter sent us a couple of new pictures yesterday, which of course I am so thankful for. Getting any kind of news and especially pictures is such a God-send.

I've been so surprised by how difficult this part of the process has been. The first few days after getting the referral for Nezer, we were riding high in a constant state of euphoria. After about a week, we're still excited, but I think I'm becoming manic. I want to be with this baby now. I have never in all my life felt a greater loss of control about anything. All I know is that there's this baby out there who we are desperately praying will become Our Own Rooney tomorrow in court, and that I'm dying to figure out what that foot rash is about and get the right medication for it. I'm dying to hold him, to smell that hair that everyone who has seen him says is the first case of Ethiopian blond hair they've seen, to feel his little heart beat as he snuggles on my chest, to hopefully coax a smile out of him...to be his momma.

But here we are so far away and all we can do is wait. And I've never had to run to God more. You are right, Jill, trust is the opposite of control, and that's a lesson I'm trying hard to learn. Well, it's being forced upon me, I should say, but I do want to learn it.

A lot of crazy things go on in your brain when you know you're about to become a parent. Yesterday I took a niece and nephew to see The Water Horse and cried through at least half of it, even at parts that weren't intended to be sad. I cried when I saw all the old-fashioned wooden toys the boy was playing with in his room, longing for our son to have a similar imaginative place to play, free of ugly plastic things with bells and whistles. I cried at the beautiful scenery of Scotland, remembering the drives Ted and I went on there two years ago and how we'd stop at every curve to get out and explore this phenomenal place of beauty. I cried at the way this boy was so gentle with a wild creature and how I want our kids to respect and have compassion for animals (it makes me crazy to see children chase and kick small animals--I think this is the ugliest side of human nature, to terrorize a being weaker than oneself). I cried at all the flashback scenes of the boy and his father, knowing that Ted is going to be the same kind of dad--one who takes time to encourage and teach our boy to stand tall.

I spent the day today as far away as possible from the kitchen remodel situation. I discovered yet another children consignment shop in our neighborhood where I got a whole bag full of stuff, from a few more clothes to blankets to an African lullabies CD to one of those night-time sleepers (so no need for blankets). I even found a pair of shoes: the cutest little fuzzy lined leather boots you've ever seen, perfect for winter in Portland.

A friend lent me her Moses basket this afternoon and showed me the ins and outs of the various baby carriers, from the Moby wraps (spelling?) to Ergo carries, and some sling thingee too. She even let me try them out with her Baby E, the one who is twice the weight of Nezer.

Then lo and behold, I came home to discover that the first upper cabinet has been installed in the kitchen, along with a functioning sink and dishwasher! I am blessed beyond measure. I consider the sound of our running dishwasher in the other room to be our first miracle of 2008.

We found out yesterday from Gladney that Abe has gained a full pound since we last heard and has grown two inches. He seems to be a laid-back kind of fella, one who doesn't put up much of a fuss about too much. We're hoping he's our Zen-baby who sleeps all night and goes with the flow. Gladney also sent us this photograph which I'll leave you with.

What a miracle it will be if we pass court tomorrow. I'm trying to prepare myself the best I can for the real possibility of some sort of glitch or delay, which seems to be happening more and more often these days. It's the same coping mechanism I used to handle the Waiting for a referral; it's just a heck of a lot harder now that we have big brown eyes and dimples to look at...

14 comments:

Amy said...

Holy Cow. He is CUTE! With every picture he gets cuter and cuter.... Seriously. I know you are aching to be with him....I remember that ache. I am hoping and praying with you that you will be with him SOON! Praying that court for you and the Breedloves goes SMOOTH tomorrow! :)

Jocelyn said...

I will be thinking about you guys tonight into tomorrow!! I can't wait to see the post that little Abe is yours:-)

the albertsons said...

Oh he is just amazing. So CUTE!
I can only imagine what you're feeling... I feeling I want so desperately but dread at the same time. The unknown is hard. I love how you put it, that trust is the opposite of control. Ain't that the cold hard truth.
I'm praying for you and all the court families tomorrow. I pray that you can have good rest tonight, and that God would cause a miracle to happen for all of you. God, please let these babies come home.
with love,
becca

The Breedlove family said...

He is so precious!!! The new pictures are so cute. He just looks like he has such a calm personality. Is he going to be fun to hang with or what? I am getting nervous about court tomorrow. I have the same ache~ just looking into Nathan's eyes (in his picture of course) makes my stomach flutter. If I think about court too much...I feel like I am going to throw up. But, I too have taken this kind of heart-protection...because I know that things might not go through the first time. Today is the first day that I have felt real nerves...I guess it is good thing that I will know something tomorrow. I will be thinking of you this evening. I mailed Abenezer his little gift yesterday...it should be to you before long.

I call you tomorrow as soon as I get any word~
Amy

The kitchen remodel progress is awesome! Congratulations on having a dishwasher again.

Natalie Fournet said...

He is just too cute! That smile is beautiful. I am praying for your court date tomorrow. I can't imagine how much you are ready to get him in your arms...praying it is very soon! Natalie

jill said...

oh, he looks different in every picture. wow, i'm sure you are dying.

i'll be thinking of you and praying for a smooth court date! let us know when it's a done deal!! : )

Misty said...

He really is pretty precious! Here's hoping for a miracle tomorrow!

Drew Carey Show said...

He is CUTE with a capital C! Look out Denzel! You've so perfectly articulated the anxiety of the wait -- the real wait of having your child in your arms. He is absolutely precious, and I melt every time I see his sweet little picture. Oh, what a happy, joyous life he has ahead of him with you two as parents. We'll be waiting on pins and needles for your update tomorrow!

Steph said...

A dishwasher! Now that contractor can load it up for you! "Go placidly among the noise and haste," dear Lori. The best is yet to come...
with love,
Stephanie.

PVZ said...

Found myself waking up in the middle of the night last night and could not go back to sleep and you and little Neezer came to mind and I lifted you up in prayer. Praying for good news for you today Lori. Won't go to the alternative yet.

Pattie

Eric & Tara said...

So?! How did court go?? We are hoping for a great outcome!!!

-Samantha- said...

We're all dying to know how your court date went. Will you post soon?

Earl Family News said...

Lori, this is Amy's mom in Skopje -- I am trying to hang in there to see if you passed court today. It is after midnight here, but I am still going to wait about another hour before going to bed. The suspense is killing me. HA! Shelia

Eileen and Jerry Mestas said...

He is so precious! Haha! Sweet sweet Avery is holding him! That is a hilarious face she is making!
She is the sweetest little girl and just LOVES all of those babies. Be sure that she is loving on him for you until you can be with him.