Thursday, March 17, 2011

Caught in ABC and XYZ

I'm reading all there is to read about the situation with adoptions in Ethiopia right now, from message boards and blogs to what our agency tells us and the updates from other agencies my friends tell me about. It's a lot to try to figure out. There is a lot of controversy about what the response should be from the adoption community. I am starting to form opinions but still am not ready to write about it. I admire those who have managed to be more articulate than I am and write down their thoughts about the situation.

Last night at a meeting, another adoptive mother who just got home with her second child was asking me about what's going on. I had to gulp a few times and look away when talking to her, especially when I realized that if ABC had not happened when it did then we might not have gotten caught up in XYZ, and the chances are good that we could have already had our court date and possibly even our embassy date which would mean that around now, we could be getting Bee introduced to the kindergarten teachers at the local school and settled into her bed with her fairy sheets and string lights to hang above.

But that didn't happen. Worst case scenario: the adoption might never happen. Bad scenario (but at least not the worst): some estimates are that we could be waiting a year for a court date. Better scenario: we get our court date assigned to us tomorrow, and it's two weeks from now.

We feel confident that, knowing what we know about her story and what we trust about our agency, this adoption is an ethical one. As soon as we heard her story, we felt that this should be one of those open-and-shut cases. That's what makes this so difficult. This little bumblebee of a glowing-eyed girl whose hair has grown out so much that she now has little puffs with little bows is now sitting in a foster home with a lot of other kids in the same position. There are worse places she could be. I know this. But I also know that we want her in a family, preferably in our family, with parents to study her and dote on her, extended family to shyly meet her, and a little brother who told me this week when I asked him if he could fly anywhere, where would he want to go, "to Africa, to pick up my sister." This foster home is not a bad place. She has food and is read to and I think watches Cinderella pretty often. She has friends there. She looks happy in the pictures we get. But it's not a family. Who stands over her bed while she's sleeping, amazed and thankful at getting to be her mother?


We got an update about her today from our agency. She had just woken up from a nap. She made her bed. Then, "It was obvious she had done it before because once she was finished, she walked over to a younger girl’s bed and straightened it for her. It seemed natural to her, as though this was just something she did. Then, she obliged me for a new photo." In these photos, she is crazy beautiful, as in "sign this child up for a modeling contract" beautiful, with eyelashes that curl up over her lids making her almond-eyes look like stars.

One day, we're hoping she helps Abe make his bed. He's not good at it now, and could use her patient instruction.

13 comments:

Jill said...

heartwrenching

Claudia said...

THIS is why I should not be reading blogs at work. Not because I should be working, but because I can't explain why I'm crying.

I cannot, cannot wait to see a picture of that beautiful girl of yours.

Cindy said...

I hope that you get good news very soon.

Christine said...

I find this to be very difficult. I think of you every day. I want that court date for you so badly.

It Feels Like Chaos said...

Praying, praying, praying it is the scenario where you get a court date really soon and it is only a couple weeks away!!

Thank you for sharing this. We haven't gotten our referral yet, but have been waiting 11 months now on a girl age 0-30 months old so I'm pretty sure we've already been matched on the Ethiopia side and our little girl is there in the foster home with your little Bee. But, the emotions are sometimes so crazy it is a comfort to hear from others in the process. And I also loved hearing part of your update on Bee, since we're not getting them yet, I treasure any glimpse into what life might be like for our daughter.

Autumn and Dan's family said...

Oh, Lori. We love you and beautiful B.

Jess said...

This is what is so devastating about all of these changes. Little girls just like Bee. It breaks my heart. I hope you hear something soon.

il panettiere... said...

You are beautiful.

Much love to each and every one of you....

The Redman's said...

I've been praying for you!!! Hoping court dates go out next week!!!! :) :) :)

Abby said...

I share your heartache and the "what ifs" and all the beautiful dreams that will, God-willing, someday become a reality for us. I received a health update last week for our baby girl whose referral we received just a mere two days before the MOWCYA news, and I sat and cried with both happiness and sadness about her new little tooth, how she is now sitting up unassisted, and laughs frequently, and I can hardly stand it that I don't know when I'll get to experience her in real life. So just know you are not alone as we walk the long, ever-changing road to our beautiful children. But, with any luck at all, maybe they are just right around that two-week corner.

Meg said...

Oh I feel the same way. I am anxious, a bit scared and now somewhat hopeful. I too cannot articulate my position on everything that has happened (especially now that we have a referral for 2 kids whose pictures we stare at all day long). But I can say that I support any effort to clean up the process and hold certain agencies accountable for their actions. I just hope it can be done in a way that doesn't significantly extend any child's stay in a care center. Like you said, it's not that the care centers are bad, but it isn't a substitution for a family. Hang in there, we too are waiting for our court date...

semiferalmama said...

Much like the news of the slowdown... I can't figure out what to say about that, and I certainly can not figure out what to say to you... I want to say something encouraging, uplifting, helpful and real. Spend extra time tickling Abe, a giggling, happy kid is always uplifting.

The Journey said...

We hope for a court day for you daily. We admire how strong you and Ted and little Abe must be. Hugs from NY.