So we were checking out at Costco today (surely the eight words signaling the start of many epic stories) putting our rotisserie chicken, half-gallon of half and half (we drink a lot of coffee), 5 pound bag of quinoa, and other staples on the conveyor belt when we suddenly found ourselves on the receiving end of an extremely foul mood by the old-man checker. Apparently, we had ruined his day by not placing the plastic separater bar thingee on the belt before we started to load our stuff. We had left at least a 3 foot gap between our stuff and the stuff of the folks in front of us, but the curmudgeon checking us out ignored the chasm of space between piles of stuff and added a bunch of our stuff to the other folks tab.
When he figured out the mistake, he glared in our direction and started tossing our stuff back our way, chiding us for not placing the plastic bar down to separate the piles of stuff. Ted said he was sorry but that he thought the big gap would have been enough. Well, that was simply too much for the Costco curmudgeon. He glared at us for a good three seconds (might not sound like very long, but count three seconds and imagine a Costco checker glaring with hatred directly at you, and it starts to feel like a short eternity) and pointed at not just one but three plastic bars we could have used to separate our stuff.
I think it was the condescending tone that pushed Ted over the edge. I have a big problem with grouchy people taking out their bad mood on innocents like us, and Ted has an equally big problem with anyone speaking condescendingly to him, especially after he'd already said he was sorry. So what did Ted do?
My 6 foot 6 inch tall husband who is as spindly as a praying mantis and has a theatrically-trained voice that could fill a 10,000 seat concert hall decides to lift both hands in the air over his head, and belt out in his best Ian McKellen-inspired voice "I apologize to Costco! I apologize to Costco!" turning side to side so as many people as possible can hear his heartfelt apology.
Truly, the Costco Curmudgeon deserved it, but I realized in that moment that my life is sometimes like one long episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I just shook my head and mumbled something about needing to go pee and walked away, desperately needing to get away from two horribly misbehaving men.