Thursday, May 15, 2008

Food for Thought

There's some good, thoughtful writing going on out there in adoption blog-land. Have you ever felt mildly uncomfortable with terms like "paper pregnant" and been unable to know how to respond when someone comments on how "your adoption has taken a full nine months! How cool!"? What is it that makes me uncomfortable with people comparing an adoption to a pregnancy?

Courtney just wrote about this topic on her blog, Dandies in the Sunshine, and she has a link there to this article, which got her thinking about it all in the first place. The person who wrote the article is an adult adoptee who is very generous towards the community of those adopting (us) but who doesn't mince her words. Whether we agree with what she has to say at first glance or not, I think we owe it to the children we've been entrusted with to really pay attention and listen when an adult adoptee has something to say.

Adoption is not all touchy-feely, butterflies, rainbows and happy endings. Every single adoption comes with a certain amount of pain and loss and this is something we have to acknowledge and grapple with. I highly recommend reading this article and taking some time to think about it, even if it rubs you in the wrong way a bit, which it just might do.

These are issues our children, when they are all grown up, are very likely to want to discuss with us. We need to be ready. Kudos to the contemplative Courtney.


Amy B. said...

That is a very insightful article. Thanks for sharing it. Every one needs to read it.


mama becca said...

That is necessary for all adoptive parents to read. I think that many of us, as adoptive parents, come to adoption for different reasons. But what we all have in common is the need to place our own insecurities (and defenses) aside in order to nurture our child(ren). I love that the writer wants to set aside "adoptive language" for "honest language." My 17-yr-old sister would agree with that as well... we talk about this often. I'm grateful for the honesty of adoptees that will help us to parent and equip our children.
Thanks for sharing this.

Lauren said...

Thank you for sharing this article. Very interesting.

God Bless!


Cindy said...

Thanks for sharing. It was a very interesting article.

Gretchen said...

You're the contemplative one. Great write-up regarding the article. I remember reading it and thinking how it needed to be shared with anyone and everyone who was/is adopting. I just didn't know when. So much is said that is important and worthy of being heard. Bravo for spreading the word!
Give Abe a smooch for me....