Tuesday, October 12, 2010

No Call Yet, part 2

No call yet. No call. The office in Texas closes in 11 minutes.

One of our seniors, S, got back last week from Shashamene, Ethiopia. She'd been gone a few months. When we saw each other this morning, the hug she gave me was like...I don't know how to describe it. It was great. Yeah, great. Like, amazingly warm and maternal and great and amazing. She grabbed my hand in hers, pulled me to her chest, pressed my cheek with her cheek, then the other cheek, then the first cheek again, and then just another hug. Then she looked me right in the eyes and smiled, and I just wanted to cry. It was great. I am so glad she is back.

Last night before I went to bed, I stared at the closet in the hallway at all of the little girl clothes. There aren't many, but enough for me to stand there for fifteen minutes or so pulling each item out and looking at it, smelling it, wondering if the pink polka dotted down-filled vest will be too big or if the white eyelet dress will be too short or if I can find a pair of boots to go with the pink sweater dress with the cute button on the front.

I'm ready for our referral call but last night may have been that first pull of longing that I've felt so far this time round. With our first adoption, the longing was constant. It's why I couldn't sleep at night. Maybe one of the good things about our referral call taking so long is that my heart is starting acutely to feel the absence of this child in our life. Maybe another good thing about this long wait is that I get to practice giving hugs like S does. I hope our daughter feels from me what I felt this morning from S from Shashamene.

Office closes is 1 minute. I think it's safe to call it a day.


Meg said...

Ugh, I'm right there with you...in the 'receive THE CALL any moment' mode. I'm grateful that I recently began a new job and am just super busy, but not quite too busy to stop obsessing completely...=) I actually sent an email to our case worker ensuring (just in case) that she had the proper phone numbers! Ha!

Claudia said...

I have wondered what it must be like, second time around.... waiting that first time, the longing was so intense I could see nothing else. If we adopt again, I know that things will be so differernt, because the longing to have A child has been filled. But the longing for a specific child... that's a different thing. And I think that feeling it is such a good thing (although painful) because it really does do good things to your heart.

Still praying that you're going to hear BEFORE your neighbour goes.

Christine said...

Your hug sounds so wonderful. Don't you love someone who hugs so generously? I am feeling similar feelings. I dreamed of baby girl the other night and it was so real. It's like reverse missing someone, you know, you've never met her, but there is such a feeling of knowing and missing. I am very ready for your call to come through. Sending you peaceful thoughts.

Autumn and Dan's family said...

I agree. In some ways I feel the process always ends up being just long enough to FEEL that emptyness.

Heidi said...

I was able to wait patiently almost 10 months on the wait list. Then in October I started going crazy. Coincidently (or not), October 6th is when our boys arrived at Gladney. It's going to happen soon, Lori.

Erica said...

Praying your call is soon. It's been a long time, your mama heart is ready. Can't wait to see you with your precious girl.