The Bare Necessities

We went to the Multnomah County Friends of the Library sale Saturday and came home with a big box full of wonderful stuff, though somehow a dud made its way in. It's a smallish paperback titled Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to Slow Down and Enjoy the Things That Really Matter by Elaine St. James. Okay, so the title really appealed to me, as a common and frequent topic of conversation in our house of late has been the idea of "living simply."

Apparently, Ms. James is writing to those in a higher tax bracket than us because she introduces such revolutionary ideas as getting rid of the housekeeper and cook. Um, housekeeper I can see, but cook? Who employs cooks? I suppose I shouldn't have ignored the endorsement on the back cover by Oprah Winfrey saying, "Elaine, you're our role model."

I was already rolling my eyes through the first half of the book with her suggestions to read a book instead of go shopping and not buy brand-new cars, but I was ready to throw the book across the room when I read in her chapter, "Clean up Your Relationships":

I'm referring to an impossible marriage or a relationship that isn't going anywhere, and that is causing you stress or pain...get out.

My issue is with her use of the word "impossible." What does that even mean when applied to marriage? Who hasn't felt the exasperation of looking at a conflict that seems impossible to solve? And who hasn't felt stressed by your marriage or been hurt by your spouse? Get out? Really?
Don't we have enough people giving up on their marriages?

By far, though, the most helpful advice she gave was chapter 75: "If It's Not Easy, Don't Do It." Who is she writing this load of crap to? She ends the chapter with this nugget of wisdom, "Think how simple your life would be if you eliminated the difficult things--the things that probably weren't meant to be anyway--and concentrated on what was easy."

Alrightee then. I'll remember that the next time Abe is screaming in my ear with a diaper full of last night's black bean soup and a nose full of green snot that really needs to be suctioned out. Ugh, that's just too hard...damn it, if I hadn't already fired the cook, I could have had her do it for me. I guess I should just take Ms. James' advice and walk way from the relationship with my son since reading Eclipse would be a whole lot easier than wrestling a 16-month-old.

This morning, while this song was playing, I realized I prefer simplicity Baloo style:

Now when you pick a pawpaw
Or a prickly pear
And you prick a raw paw
Next time beware
Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw
When you pick a pear
Try to use the claw
But you don't need to use the claw
When you pick a pear of the big pawpaw
Have I given you a clue ?
The bare necessities of life will come to you
They'll come to you!
And don't spend your time lookin' around
For something you want that can't be found
When you find out you can live without it
And go along not thinkin' about it
I'll tell you something true
The bare necessities of life will come to you

Whatever, no deep thoughts here, just frustration at having paid $1.25 for such a stinking load.

Oh, and what is the deal with folks stealing their neighbor's political signs? Nearly every day, someone on facebook writes that their sign was stolen from their yard during the night (and always an Obama sign). Sigh. Hearing that people are behaving so idiotically truly, honest-to-God upsets me. Can't we be more civilized than that?