Wednesday, December 10, 2008


So tonight, I'm sitting on my couch with Abe playing at my feet, Joy to my left, and Amy across from me. I pull Abe's barn out of the toybox, but some of the plastic animals fall out in the "no-no" area to my right: on the floor beside the couch. Abe wants his plastic animals. Joy is in the midst of telling me a touching story about how difficult it is to explain to children what "happy tears" are. I want to pay attention to this story, so instead of turning my back to Joy to grab the plastic barn animals off the floor, I end up sort of arching my back and leaning up, with my head still facing left (towards Joy) and my right arm reaching down and behind me to grab the toys.

I try too hard to be polite because what followed was about 3 seconds of excruciating pain.

My shoulder popped out of its socket.

I was speechless, quietly gasping for breath (still trying to be polite), while my right arm is incapacitated. I don't know what to do. I'm panicking, wondering how in heck I'm going to get my arm back into the socket, and as quietly and politely as possible please. For one or two of those three long seconds, everything is black.

I sit back up, facing forward, and this makes the arm pop back into its socket. The searing pain subsides to be over-taken by a dull lingering one (still painful now as I write this). I regain vision to find Abe at my feet staring blankly and Amy across from me looking slightly disgusted.

I think Joy asked if I was okay.

"Oh yeah, I think my arm just popped out of its socket...okay, no, I'm fine, it's what were you saying about happy tears?"

Yeah, I'm slightly freaked out by this. Ted said it's because I'm weak, and a friend from our church in L.A. confirmed this by telling me less bluntly that I might want to "consider seeing a physical therapist about strengthening the surrounding muscles to decrease the chance of it happening again."

Wait. Does this mean I have to start going back to the gym?

On a sidenote: it's been fun having Joy and Amy around. I love showing folks around Portland, where we keep it weird, dislocated shoulders and all.

Update--two hours later: I'm up, unable to sleep, and not just plain-ol' insomnia like usual. My shoulder hurts too bad. Crappy crap crap crap.


Claudia said...

Oh, ow! Ow ow ow ow ow!
Poor you - that must hurt like crazy. Hope you've got some strong painkillers at the back of a cupboard somewhere. And surely they're not going to make you go to (gasp) the gym to fix it? That would just be piling unfairness on top of the pain.

coffeemom said...

Gee Whiz Lori!! OWWWW!!! I BET it is still sore! take it easy today, and um, don't do that move again with the toys huh!? Feel better, sounds like a day of no laundry and books on the sofa to me! love m

Julie said...

Ouch. That sounds awful, but please get a second opinion. I hate to hear that 'gym' word. I'm thinking bi-weekly massages.

Jana said...

um. that is so gross. and i am envious of your time with those ladies. :)

mama becca said...

I'm really sorry that it hurt. But I have to admit that I'm sitting here laughing. I think I'm evil sometimes. Maybe it's your fault, because the way you wrote it was so darn funny! But still, I'm sorry you're hurt!

Danni and Tommy said...

Scary. I'm sorry. Gym? wow. That may be the worst part.
I'm glad you have such good company.

Jocelyn said...


Nicole said...

I agree, go to the doctor, you may have 'torn' something. (I cringed writing that out.)

Jill said...

that is a nightmare. lesson 1: don't be so polite. lesson 2: get yourself to a doctor.

PVZ said...

You must be a good writer, I got a little queasy and my shoulder started to hurt just reading that. From Abe's perspective I am sure it is all related to the dreaded "no-no" area.

Hope it feels better soon.

Amy B. said...

:(Ouch! Hope it feels better soon...if not...go get it checked. You don't want to have to be toting Abe around with a messed up shoulder.

los cazadores said...

I was watching Jon & Kate Plus 8 last night and he got hair plugs. That looked excruciatingly painful. That was my ultra lame attempt at trying to make you feel better.


Blog Shmog said...

Oh my gosh Lori!! I had no idea all this was taking place...the blacking out, the excruciating pain. You looked so calm. And I'm so sorry it's hurting so bad still. :( :( I hope it feels better really soon. Loved hanging out with you though. :)

Tara said...

Look at you, so polite while momentarily blinded and in excruciating pain! I hope it starts feeling better soon- and I really hope it doesn't come down to having to start working out! (I don't know about you, but I am not a fan) :)
I think my favorite part of the story was that Amy looked disgusted while you were in pain. LOL. So funny.
But sorry about the arm!

Gretchen said...

That's what you get for talking about bitch-slapping me. Beeotch-slap this with your jacked-up arm, Lori Rooney. Beeotch-slap this.