Sunday, January 2, 2011

All Will Be Well

I woke up New Year's Day in a funk I haven't been able to shake. It's even been sunny for the last two days, so the usual rain isn't the cause this time round.

Funk. New year's funk.

Abe has been wearing his Halloween pajamas since last night, today under his clothes since it's so cold right now. My friend loaned me her ear warmer thingee for my head, so I went out for a "run" this morning, despite the funk.


All holiday decorations were put away last night, everything except the many cards and photos that I can't bear to take down yet from the dining room built-ins where they are currently taped up.

I started reading an apocalyptic zombie novel set in Manhattan, left over from the book exchange party we hosted New Year's Day. This might not help my funk. Or maybe it will.

Tonight, Abe found some yarn that one of our neighbors had given him. For almost an hour, he sat in the kitchen with the yarn and a pair of scissors, concentrated, cutting. He said, "Mom? I'm making a scarf for my sister. Just for my sister. Is that nice?"

"Yes, Abe, that's really nice."

"Well, actually, it's a sweater, not a scarf."

Abe is ready for his sister to get here. We are too. It feels a long way off though. Sometimes life in general feels like a struggle and the weight of it is...well, heavy.

We have joy, but also funk.

I've been listening to this song over and over, hoping it'll convince me. Right now, it just makes me cry.
The winter's cold,
But the snow still lightly settles on the trees.
And a mess is still a moment I can seize until I know,
That all will be well.
Even though sometimes this is hard to tell,
And the fight is just as frustrating as hell
All will be well.


Stephanie said...

My heart goes out to you, Lori. I wish there were a way to learn that all will be well without going through the funk (and the soul shattering freezes, and the heart crushing fear, and all the rest of it - the human imagination is a fearsome thing).

But I think this is the only way to learn the song. Our hearts must be broken before they can be open, and we have fears before fears are answered with peace.

All shall be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well. (Julian of Norwich)

Christine said...

Oh, I do love that song. That from a permanent melancholy type. Thinking of you, Lori. Thinking of all of us waiting in winter.

coffeemom said...

Ah Lori, you KNOW that song is particularly a fav around here. Except for around here it is called the "Marta Song." She asked him to play it on Christmas night....and promptly burst into tears, but with a smile. PRogress. All will be well, dear Lori. Love this song.

Christina said...

I so needed that song today. Thinking of you.

Abby/Roger said...

Never easy. Not the first time, nor second, nor ever. But always worth it and all the more sweeter but not for the long, hard journey our hearts must travel.

Anonymous said...

My last blog post before we got our court date was about my FUNK. And I didn't blog until we got it - not on purpose, just didn't. So maybe it's coming soon - you're next on the unofficial list that apparently doesn't always go in order! But yea! Hoping it comes soon!!! (The funk lifts - you know this having adopted I guess. My funk has been replaced with WOWZAS I got lots to do! Good WOWZAS but still WOWZAS!)

Eryn said...

so, I'm curious, how did the earwarmer thingy work for you? Did it help you stay warm and headache free?