That's what today feels like. No, I take that back: most of 2008 so far feels like limbo. There's a void of action, of progress, even many times of emotion. Finding things to be happy about doesn't come easily but it's not like we're moping around sad all the time either. We're just waiting for something to happen...and waiting...and waiting.
The appeal of this case for Abenezer should be filed tomorrow. We thought it was going to be filed sooner. This is no one's fault. It just is what it is (which is coming to be my favorite phrase). From the time the case has been filed, we are hoping the court will let us know how long it will take for them to figure out a court date. Sound murky? It is. Little is concrete.
As for other things in our life (work on the house, career issues, church, etc), there are what feels like thousands of little things that are being held up, not moving forward, stalled and stagnant. We are waiting for these thousands of things to be worked out. We are waiting...and waiting more.
Someone suggested I blog on one of my down-days. On those days, I usually end up wailing on the phone with my mom. This isn't one of those, though this may be worse. Today is a nothing day. Nothing, I tell you, nothing. I wish I felt sad. I certainly wish for happiness as well. But Mr. Knot has been moving in to the pit of my stomach, getting all settled in nice and comfy there. He and Ms. Dark Thoughts are new neighbors--she's been playing house in my brain for most of my life, though she does seem to take long vacations now and then.
But today? Man, those two are yucking it up in Lori-land, having a good ole' time. My bet is that by later tonight they will have cracked open a bottle of Jagermeister and started playing with Mr. Knot's new Wii system. I hear he's really into tennis.
I just noticed all of the tagging Jocelyn talk below...hmmm...I think I am on tagging strike...you know, sort of like the writer's strike except that I never got paid in the first place:-) I hope that tomorrow will be better for you, I am sorry you are having such a nothing day:-( Thinking of you.
Blah. I feel for you. It does suck to be waiting and in limbo and nothing in your control. I hate that feeling. Big hugs to you. Hope good news is just on the horizon.
:( Sorry!!! Tell Mr. Knot to put his Wii away (those things can be dangerous) and ask Ms. Dark Thoughts just to give you the Jagermeister instead of drinking it herself :)
Thinking of you,
We are going up to the mountain tomorrow and will be there through the weekend. Our friends from church will light Abenezer's candle on Sunday in our absence. Just thought you'd like to know. Loving you on the good days, the bad ones and the in between days too...
limbo is the hardest place to be. we're there, too... in a different way, but still. life on hold while also having to function is almost unbearable. Certainly depressing. I keep looking for distraction but it doesn't help. I read 2 Samuel ch. 7 yesterday. David's prayer is pretty cool... the whole thing is about God keeping the promise he made to us. That He Will. Keep. His. Promise.
He started you on this path... it'll come full circle.
Go play some wii...
More than anything, I hate the "nothing" days. The lukewarm days.
To feel sadness, to feel great joy, to feel pain and disappointment and anger and jealousy- I prefer all of those to feeling nothing.I don't think we were created to have the "nothings," and that is why it is so horrible.
Anyway, praying that you get to feel. And that soon you will get the good feelings back, but in the mean time, that God will use the not-so-good feelings to bring you closer to Him.
I hate "the nothings" (well said, graceling). I'm wondering if there's something in the air, because I'm right there with you. Based on some hoopla going on over in my part of the word right now, all I want to do is curl up on the couch and watch movies.
I'm down with the drinking. Except the stuff you're talking about makes me sicky sick (21st birthday memories- yikes!). Perhaps I'll settle down with a nice glass (or three) of red wine, a loaf of french bread, and a chunk of cheese. Comforting....
Lori- you have such a great way of saying things. I hope Mr. Knot & Ms. Dark Thoughts move on along, but I know they are hard to get rid of! I with Courtney on the wine! (She's making me hungry for bread & cheese too.)
i am continuing to see how this world of blogging is a gift from God. Becca that is a great reminder for sure, especially on days when we wonder why He even started if we were just going to hang...
lori we are praying for you in DC! A current mantra for me has been..God is good, God is for me...
Thanks for all the encouragement, everyone. For the record: I hate jagermeister. I tried it once because Ted thought it tasted like the other love of my life, Becherovka (a Czech herbal liqueur). It doesn't. I've never played wii either. Jagermeister and video games just seemed like two things unwelcome guests would indulge in for long hours.
And last night, I made the mistake of feeding Mr. Knot tater-tots and beer, so I woke up this morning to the realization that he'd invited his 15 cousins over, all with the last name of the BLOATS.
(too much information? quite possibly...hopefully few people read these comments...)
Nothing to say except that I am very sorry, will continue to pray for you and that I think the Wii and Jagermeister were an excellent analogy!
I think I met Mr. Knot and Ms. Dark Thoughts; they came to visit Miss Self-hate talk that lives in my head who likes to watch reality TV until she gets a migraine.
Sorry you have the nothings.
Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom.”
- Earl Shoaf
Lori - I'm sorry you are feeling in limbo - it's a restless place to be. You are handling a unique situation with grace. If you are like me, you work best when things are hoppin' and there is lots to be done. Right now, all anyone can do it wait and I know how hard that is. Hang in there.
I'm very sorry for your nothings, but I have to say, you are still very funny even on these days. May your good humor keep you afloat as you wait :)
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