The situation is this:
Let's assume your time on earth is all finished and you're all settled into your new digs in heaven. You've met God. You've reunited with all your relatives and friends and heroes. You're blissful, of course, but you've started to get used to being in heaven (not a bad thing).
You're out one day walking the streets of gold (or cobblestones or pavement or cheese) when you run into God. The two of you, on a whim, decide to stop for a coffee and piece of cheesecake...or a beer (good Slovak beer, hopefully) and some chips. It's laid back, casual, joking even.
God keeps teasing you about the stupid stuff you did in your life on earth. All the big questions have been answered. But there are a few lingering thoughts about life on earth that haven't quite been explained, so you say, "You know, God? I've always wondered..."
How would you finish that sentence? It can be anything. Ted and I have talked about this and want to ask God, "I've always wondered if our cats are actually thinking loving thoughts about us while they look at us adoringly while purring." I'm sure the clever readers of this blog will manage to come up with more creative questions than ours about our cats.
Leave your queries for God in a comment (or two or as many as you want) and we will pick our five favorite ones. Those five winners will receive a FREE copy of Susan Isaac's book, Angry Conversations With God. Exciting, no?
Click here for the book's official website.
You have one week: "You know, God, I've always wondered..."
"You know, God, I've always wondered why things that taste so good like ice cream and french fries, are so bad for me. And why you continue to let the lady down the street get pregnant even though she isn't caring for or feeding her current 10 children and uses them to get more government money to support her drug habit....i'm just wondering."
from Zach and Becca:
You know God, I've always wondered... why do men have nipples?
You know God, I've always wondered... mosquitos??? Really? What the hell where you thinking on that one?
(sorry, this is becca albertson and her fearless husband zach. not sure why we're signed in as zach. whatev.)
You know God, I've always wondered... did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?
I've always wondered why you made our sex drives SOOOOO different? Is it because we would get nothing else done otherwise???
You know god, I've always wondered...how did Elmo get so much power? We don't have a TV and yet my son says his name about five hundred times per day. Seriously.
I randomly stumbled upon your blog -sorry for snooping, but I have always wondered "Why was I born in America with freedom, food and priviledge, and some folks are born other places and circumstances where they may worry so much about how to get through one day that they will never reach their potential as a human being?"
also "why do women start becoming fertile at 11, 12 and 13 years old? And why can skanky-misguided-child-down-the-street reproduce when other women, perfectly decent humans who want to be parents have to undergo crazy fertility treatments and oftentimes horrific pregnancies, or go through the ultimate emotional and financial marathon of adoption to find babies to love? What is up with that?" - thanks for letting me stop by.
You know God, why Barney???
Hopefully this won't offend anyone but I've always wondered...
"God, why farts? Seriously. I hate farts so much and my husband thinks they are funny. But they're not. They smell and sound disgusting. Why? Why?!"
Speaking of farts, God, I just want to say THANK YOU for not making the fart a color. Can you imagine?! Orange, blue, purple gases seeping, clouding around you?! (This is something I discuss with my kids OFTEN!!!) :)
(I know it's not a question.. but I had to put it out there.)
I already have the book, but I do wonder: God, what is up with flies, I have tried and I don't see their purpose other than maybe you wanted something to annoy us? And God, why is it that our noses and ears keep growing our whole lives while the rest of us starts shrinking, are we supposed to all end up looking like cartoon characters? Is this just to make you have a good laugh? I have some questions on the whole suffereing thing too, but we'll save those for another time.
I am just really happy to read my BFF's comments here. (Liz and Hannah.) All of these are super great.
My brain's fried but I'll try to think of some. :)
sorry, i was in spin class and thought of another one...
You know, God, I've always wondered...
Which Christian denomination to you most agree with? Which "gets it" and lives out your Word? Which is closest to your heart? Is there one?
Oh snap... we're getting all serious now...
I've got 3 I've always wondered.
1. Why all the violence? Serial killers? Drive-by shootings? If it's someone's time, can't we all just go in our sleep???
2. Why cancer? (or any disease) but WHY CANCER?!?
3. Why depression and/or anxiety? It sucks! No fun to deal with!
What would'be happened if I'd listened to you that time I was sure you wanted me to do something, and instead I bargained and did what I wanted?
One other question I've always wondered.....How did abortion get legalized?? Why are so many babies dying for no good reason?
If ever I'm hanging out, having a beer with God, I'm going to ask to see the following "video-tapes" of life:
1- all friends and important people dancing and singing when they were totally alone and uninhibited
2- my dad picking up my mom in that bar in New York City. I certainly do NOT want to see anything outside of the bar, but the pickup, I'd like to see.
3-the day Sammy was born.
and I've always wondered, God, did you cry or laugh more watching my life?
Fun post Lori!
When I see God, I'll make sure to first make a judgment about the "skanky" women who use "government money" to support their drug habits and ten kids (also sluts!) because I know that's what God likes to hear about. I don't have any questions because I know I'm right about everything.
Some of these questions are for God, but some I can answer; that way, you can think of other questions for the deity.
* Zach's nipple question: There's already a book on this and similar questions. It's called "Why Do Men Have Nipples?" and it's by Mark Leyner.
* Zach's "mosquito" and PVZ's "fly" question: See Darwin. Don't blame God. You think he has time for all these separate acts of creation?
* Zach's "belly button" question: See http://www.rustyspell.com/art/biblestories052.html.
* Dani's "Elmo" and Lizard's "Barney" question: Muppets and people in suits are more entertaining than humans. Turn off the TV and make your own puppet shows.
* Blog Shmog's "fart" question: If we didn't fart, we'd die. Also, learn to accept them as funny and you'll be happier. Also, Stephanie, I've heard of farts that look like a green gas.
* The Albertson's "Christian" question: None of them.
* Andrea: you can read all about the "Roe vs. Wade" case for more info.
* Staci's "never reach their potential as human being" question: This is what you call a "faulty question." Human potential goes way beyond what's being suggested here.
* Hannagarrippa and Staci's "I hate poor people" question: I'll let God himself deal with you two.
Ted and Lori do not endorse any of the comments left on this blog but, in the spirit of an open exchange of ideas, want to leave this space open for anyone to express whatever they so desire.
Ted and Lori especially appreciate and enjoy clever, light-hearted, and humorous questions for God. We hope you continue to pose such questions. We look forward to giving away books.
Ted and Lori love you all. Peace out.
I'm sorry everybody- I know this was meant to light, fun, and funny but I have to say- Rusty, I'm with you. I have been hesitant to post anything because most of the people in my adoption group (people that I like very much), visit this post, and they are mostly Christian. I have felt a bit sheepish to discuss religion, as I believe that it is personal, and I do not think it is an attribute by which people should be judged. In my experience, "good" and "bad" people can be christian, Jewish, Islamic, atheist, agnostic, Bahia, etc. And to make a judgment about the quality of a person and their morals by their religion is erroneous at best, and hateful at worst. I myself am not religious, and I have been a bit afraid that I would be discriminated against by those that do not know me, but that strongly subscribe to a particular religion. Also, I love this blog- I read it all the time and I don't want to get too serious. I think this was an interesting idea, but reading these comments mostly made me sad and also mad. As with most questions about nature (why flies, mosquitos, nipples differences is sex-drive, reproductive age, why we crave fats) it all makes perfect sense in light of evolution. It is a failure of our educational system that we do not do a better job teaching science and particularly evolution is school. It is not controversial. It is not in opposition to religious beliefs (ask Pope John Paul). I would be happy to talk about any of the theories in evolutionary biology that explain the existence and abundance of flies, mosquitoes (can also be partially explained by population ecology), sex-drive (very interesting), fats, etc in another forum, as it's much more interesting than "magic". Social tolerance, freedom of choice, freedom of and from religion, these are guidelines that our society chooses to hold has ideal, and that we all strive to live by. It can be hard, but it should be a goal of all of us, regardless of where you come from and what you believe in.
Compassion, altruism, etc... These are not uniquely totally human attributes (again-many interesting books in animal behavior)- and they certainly are not uniquely christian! Until you walk in somebody's shoes...
So- in the spirit of the question, if there is a god, and if she has time to answer my question in the midst of all she has to deal with in this world, I would ask- How can the universe be infinite? No edges, really?? How does it fold?? Physics totally blows my mind!
Thanks everybody (that includes believers, non-believers, dreamers, and I-don't-knowers"
Why do the birds always seem to target my freshly-washed truck? Why can't they poop a few inches that way instead of smack-dab in the center of my hood or window?! AND why is it usually the big green glob of goo that just smears no matter how much water is used?! Ewww!
And to the pigeon that targeted me that day and timed it just right as we drove under that bridge. Nice Aim!! (grrrrrr!!!)
PS. What's infinity X infinity?? I know there is some mathematician out there that can claim to know the answer to this question, but I'm pretty sure only somebody omnipotent can actually explain it to me!
Give Rusty and April a book.
You know God, I know you're perfect and all, but have you ever had your doubts about the whole free will thing? I was also wondering, how is it that I could totally make up something in my own head , like that thing I said about the smart cows by the ocean and the next thing you know there's a whole TV ad campaign, how does that happen?
Okay God, here goes:
Me "First question: Why are we drinking Slovak beer? Everyone knows Czech beer is far superior."
*God rolls eyes*
Me: "Waiter, can I get Gambrinus over here? What's that, you need to see my ID? Well, I'm flattered."
*batting eyelashes while waiter looks at my ID*
Waiter: "That is so cool -- you have the exact same birthdate as my mom! Same year and everything! What are the odds?"
*me shrinking back into my apparently-not-as-young-as-I-thought-it was body*
God: "Well, funny you should ask about those odds. The exact odds are (interrupted by me)."
Me: (interrupting God) "Um, is this like the Genie in the bottle thing where I only get 3 questions? Becuase if it is, does the waiter's question count as one of my questions? Because I don't think that is fair."
Me: "Second question: which came first, the chicken or the egg? Because I am getting vibes from both sides here that they know the answer. They can't both be right, but rather than have them debate it, I thought I'd go straight to you. Because it is REALLY important that I know the answer to this."
Third question: Can I get another question?
"God, what are the winning Powerball numbers?"
So, maybe this isn't a question for God, but being all knowing who better to ask? You know, I've always wondered why are there so many shoes on the side of the road? Do people suddenly get sick of their shoes and throw them out the car window, or do that many people have their feet hanging out of the car and lose them? Just wondering.
Asking God a question like "why does she keep having kids that she doesn't care for?" does not make one void of compassion and mercy.
In fact, this is a woman that I love...her kids are children that I love, that doesn't mean the questions shouldn't be asked.
If a man was beating his wife and someone said what I did. "I wonder God, how does this man get away with that. Why, this?" Would your response be..."that person lacks compassion" or "God will deal with that person." Maybe...but I doubt it.
There are children...very real children...right in my neighborhood, on my very street, who are not feed and who are not clothed and who are not cared for. They are abused by their drug addicted parents. They are raped and molested and left outside so that their mothers can make money for their drugs. So don't talk to me about not having compassion...
You're right God will deal with me...but he'll deal in love because of His son Jesus Christ.
I wonder, God, does it make you sad when you are misunderstood?
I just wanted to clear something up... Rusty and April, I am a scientist, so I know about evolution and that there are "answers"... my husband and I were just thinking from our 3-yr-old's perspective and were being silly. Sorry if we offended you, but I think you took us too seriously- I thought this was light-hearted and I guess I mis-judged the post, so I should apologize to Ted and Lori and Susan as well. I was actually sincere about the Christian denomination question, not b/c I think anyone is better than anyone else, but because I agree with you Rusty... I'm assuming God would say "none of them." I'm sorry if I offended anyone and I'm feeling quite sad that I may have. I think it might be quite nice if we were a bit gentler with each other, especially over the internet and not actually knowing one another personally?
I'm going to go crawl into my hole now.
Rusty, just to clear it up, I wasn't asking a biological question. I was asking a design question (based on my beliefs on the relationship of evolution and creation). Why God chose farts to expel gases from our bodies in a repulsive way, with a repulsive sound, and a repulsive smell...well, I just don't get it.
Well-since I was specifically addressed, I will answer. I for one feel like there should be nobody crawling into any holes, and I was definitely also trying to be gentle- so I do apologize if I hurt anybodies feelings. I think these dialogues are good- they move us forward.
I will tell you that there is a lot of 'god talk' in the adoption world- which can be comforting for many, but it can also sometimes go too far for me. I've talked about this with other adopting moms- and there were some good posts on this topic recently on the blogs in this general circuit. I feel sensitive, and I feel a minority in the way I view organized religion. I think about my daughters birth mother all the time. All the time. I dream about her and think how could a god have taken this beautiful child (my daughter) from her mother. Multiply that by 4 million beautiful children separated from 4 million loving mothers in Ethiopia alone. It's hard for me to get a grip on. I do believe that my daughter is an unbelievable gift to me, that I will cherish my whole life- but the story is deeper than that, and her birth mother and I will share her grief and loss forever as well.
I will admit that I did take offense at the "what kind of Christians to you prefer" question to god, because it sort of played into feelings I've already been having about religion, bigotry, adoption, science, the backlash against science, war in the name of "your deity here" etc. etc. etc. And as I said, I was feeling sensitive. In fact, when I first read the comments on the posts- I un-bookmarked Ted and Lori's page, because I did not want to be tempted to post anything....
Then I came back- because that Abe is so darn cute!
The real truth: I have 5 days to finish my thesis- I'm so tired and so behind, and I don't know why I keep reading all these adoption blogs instead of doing my work, but I LOVE seeing families with their children! Home. Happy. Normal. Real! It's part of my therapy until I can bring my own daughter home. It makes me feel happy.
Point is- I'm tired, that makes me sensitive, life isn't fair, people are biased, and evolution is misunderstood, and it's so cool I wish more people understood it, and that we spent more time talking about the true wonders of nature, about the beautiful things, the amazing fragile web we are all apart of. I wish it wasn't so controversial for some. I wish I was a better spokes person for science education, and I wish I didn't feel so emotional all the time.
Lori and Ted- I'm sorry for blabbing on your blog. I don't have one- but maybe I should start one- so I don't hijack "comment sections". You are very kind to allow this dialogue to play out.
I hope I get to meet you at some point- as we have a mutual friend.
Hannagrappa- I'm sorry you felt misunderstood- I think you were. but I also think you should call social services on your neighbors- and I'm serious about that. If you love your neighbor- you should protect her children- and have them removed.
My vote is for Beka's "lotto number" question to god-
I will go buy the book- I think I owe everybody that!!
Good Night Everybody- be well-
I thank you all for you humor and for the serious debate about life and our place in this crazy world!
I'm signing off the blog world until I finish my work.
And now I'm cracking myself up again because I have a "serious" question about farts. teehee
April, I am so glad you came back. Your comment was so gentle and earnest and kind that I'm pretty confident that no one took offense. And I do hope we meet in person some day. I'm curious who our mutual friend is. Please feel free to email me anytime (email@example.com). Thank you for being a part of this discussion. So glad you bookmarked us again.
Joy, this is for you. All us Rooneys have always thought farts are funny:
Please, no one crawl into any hole.
Rusty: Bless your heart! Sometimes a fart joke is just a fart joke. Lori, give April a book already, she rocks! -- The Author
You know, God? I've always wondered...who comforts and listens to you when you feel alone?
You know, April? I think you're the cat's pajamas.
Are you there God, it's me Karen again. Sorry. But my husband is now poking me and he would like me to ask you for some good stories about a few of your other favorite lifeforms that exist in the universe.
God, I've always wondered...did you create the world with the appearance of age or is it really as old as science shows us it is?
God, who was best cast as you in a major motion picture or television show? Morgan Freeman, George Burns, Alanis Morisette, or Ted Rooney?
God, why did you make Ethiopia the birth place of humanity (besides it being so beautiful)?
LOL @ Beka - the powerball numbers!
April, I am in the minority with you. So don't feel alone.
Dear God: What is this rash you have given me? I really need YOU to tell me because the doctors are a bit baffled and I am beginning to feel like a human guinea pig. Please God make it stop itching, make it go way!
I would ask God:
"Please help me understand the old testament better - there's some pretty wacky things in there an a lot of people getting killed. For instance, was there really a Garden of Eden and a snake that tricked Adam & Eve into eating from a specific tree. Or was that more of an allegory?
I would preface my conversation by saying, "Are you there God? It's Me, Margaret." Then I would ask him when I'm going to get my period.
God, I've always wondered: do we all see colours the same? Or do different people see different things when they look at the same colours? Is this why some people can't match their pants to their shirt? In their colour-world, do MY pants not match MY shirt?
Wow. I just read all 56 comments and loved it.
I will ask my silly question that Lori told me I should, "God, are there really vampires? And are they all incredibly sexy and do they all have amazing hairdos?"
But, seriously. I am loving this. I would also like to ask this, "God, are dogs and cats really angels? Do you send them to us who need them most? Because I feel like that sometimes. If it's true - then do they know it? I think they do. Or maybe just some of them."
While I'm at it, can I thank God for books and for dogs and for Ted & Lori? Thanks.
Teehee, I love a contest...especially fun/interesting ones!
"So God, I've been wondering...what's up with freckles? I mean, I get the whole excess of melanin thing and all. But, like, how much melanin is too much? I've heard a rumor they were angels' kisses...is there any truth to that?"
Please see my headshot on my blog to understand my curiosity about freckles!
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